Never be whole again
by Catchytune
Summary: Percy's POV during CoS after Ginny is taken. Rating for a little bit of language. No slash or incest for those that worry.


_Disclaimer: The characters used in the fiction are the property of JK Rowling and her associates. No money is being made from this so no suing please._

_Author's Note – The first Harry Potter fan fiction I've written for a couple of years. Was rereading CoS and this came to mind and wouldn't bugger off until I'd written it. Basically, this is Percy's POV after the news of Ginny's disappearance has come out. Wanted desperately to make this slashy but it's not. If you squint just right, you can almost read a homoerotic subtext. Almost. Anyway, reviews are welcome, constructive criticism encouraged._

"Percy, where have you been?"

"I wrote to Mum and Dad. McGonagall asked me." Heartless, spineless coward that she is, she couldn't do it herself. Had to get perfect prefect Percy to do it! Except I'm being unfair; she has other duties to attend to. Like getting everyone home tomorrow without harm.

"Come sit with us, Perce. You look exhausted." I want to. I want more than anything to go and sit with my brothers and mourn our loss but as I looked at their faces as I came into the common room, tear streaked and pale with worry, the guilt that swept through me made me almost vomit.

"I...uhh, thanks but I need to be alone, Fred. That letter was the most horrid thing I've ever had to do." The twins nod their understanding and I cross the common room as fast as I can, practically sprinting to my dormitory. The piteous looks on the faces of my fellow Gryffindor are too much for me. I want to curse each and every one of them within an inch of their life. They have no right to pity me or my brothers. Why can't they all just piss off? Piss off and leave me alone. I swear at myself under my breath. I'm being stupid and selfish yet again. Oliver tries to catch my eye as I make my way to our dorm but I can't deal with him right now, not matter how dreadful that thought makes me feel. I need to be alone with my guilt.

I enter the dorm, slamming the door behind me, and lean back against it. I rest my head back against the cool wood of the door and blink back my tears. I can't cry; I don't deserve to cry. This is all my bloody fault. I should have protected her better, watched out for her more. No, I had to go sneaking off with Penny, hiding in disused classrooms, in broom cupboards and store rooms, indulging my passion as a horny teenage boy instead of attending to my duties as Prefect and, more importantly, older brother.

I stalk over to my bed and throw myself on it. As I was walking to the owlrey I couldn't help but imagine Penelope in my mind trying to comfort me, just as she did when last year when Ron got in trouble. And I knew what my reaction would be if she were there to try. I'd blame her, yell at her, offend her in the worst ways imaginable. Oliver says that it's my 'thing', pushing people away when I need them most. Last year I told Penny to sod off and she slapped me. I have earned that and so much more for what I've done now.

She's due to wake up soon; the Mandrake Draught is almost complete. She'll be horrified when she hears what has happened, she'll want to 'be there for me' but I won't be able to allow her that. I shall have to end things with her. I can't be the boyfriend she wants, the man she deserves. Not now, not after this. I merit no such happiness.

The dormitory door opens but I don't need to turn my head to look at it to know who it is. "You alright, Perce?" Oliver's gentle Scottish accent assaults my ears and I scoff at him, cruelly. Venomous sarcasm drips from lips, mixing with my scalding tongue.

"Yes, Oliver, I'm perfectly fine. I don't mind at all that my youngest sibling and only sister has been dragged to certain death by an unknown monster, most likely eaten by now, I should think, in some secret part of the castle no one has ever been able to find despite about a thousand years of searching. Yes, Ollie, I'm just peachy." I turn and glare at him. "My God, man! What are you, Oliver, _simple_? It's true what they say. You have been hit in the head by one too many Bludgers."

"You're doing it again. Something goes wrong and you push away the people who care about you most. Last year when Ron got hurt and now with Ginny." The piteous look from before that was mirrored on the faces of every other Gryffindor is now replaced with anger. I force myself not to let go of my own anger. It helps keep the guilt at bay.

"Well, how in the hell do you expect me to react, Oliver? My little sister is dead. Killed by the monster of Slytherin and if I had just been a better brother I could have saved her. She would still be safe!" I'm yelling now, wanting desperately for him to leave so I can be alone but just as despairingly I want him to stay, to distract me from my shame and remorse.

Infuriatingly, the pity look is back and now all I want is to punch him square on the jaw and hope to whatever deity is up there that I break something. "Percy, you can't blame yourself. I mean…"

"Get out!" I cut him off. I don't need his patronising words that sound so sincere. But he doesn't budge. "GET OUT!" I scream, picking up the photo frame on my bedside cabinet and launching it at his head. He ducks before it hits him and as it smashes on the door frame behind him as I realise too late which picture I had thrown.

It was the summer before my fifth year and I'd just received my prefect badge. Mum and Dad were so proud. Fred, George and Ron were making gagging noises at me but Ginny, my sweet little sister, came running over and hugged me. Mum, the sentimental old fool she can be sometimes, snapped the picture just as Ginny kissed me on the cheek. I don't remember being so happy.

Before I can stop it, a sob escapes my throat. And another and another. I turn away from Oliver as the tears come unrelenting and my cries are so sorrowful that they would break my own heart if it hadn't already been shattered. My poor, lovable, caring Ginny. I shouldn't have a favourite sibling. I should love them all equally, and I do, but she was always more special to me than the others. Not simply because she was the only girl or the youngest but because she was thoughtful and endearing and adorable and so completely pure. We were so alike in temperament. We could, and would often, sit together reading in companionable silence. The twins would often joke that I was a bad influence on her. When she had a nightmare she would climb into my bed for comfort and she was the only one in my family who knew about Penelope, and swore to keep our relationship secret. And now she was gone and the broken pieces of my heart continued to shatter with each new thought of her.

I am pulled into an embrace by a strong pair of arms that could only belong to Oliver. Our friendship often boggled the minds of our fellow students. We are as different as could possibly be. But when you are the only boys to share a dormitory, the only Gryffindor boys in your year, friendship is necessary for survival. And Oliver and I are the best of friends, despite my obsession with order and discipline and his fixation with Quidditch. I know all his secrets and he knows mine. He whispers soothing words of comfort but I'm too far gone to hear them. I hear only Ginny's quiet giggle, see only her bright smile as the pain in my heart roars through me like waves in a storm.

Soon, however, I feel more arms around us and I look up to see the pair of identical red heads that have joined us. I pull the twins towards me as we all cry for our precious little sister. A crunching of glass announced that Ron has entered and he joins us and all four of us weep together. Oliver gets up and leaves, saying something but I only catch a few words, something about talking to Harry. Probably to let him know we're alright. But we're not all right. Our not so little family is broken and might never be mended. The remaining Hogwarts Weasleys sit on my bed, each of us with the same thought. "We'll never be whole again."


End file.
